Saturday, 4 September 2010

Scott Pilgrim v.s. The Box Office

Okay, so first a film review, and then a mega-rant. There's blood in the water about the recent travesties at the box office and I'm feeling like a big nasty literary shark.

Alrighty, first up: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Yes, this review is a little late, but to hell with it. This is easily the best movie of the year so far. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is the movie adaptation of the semi popular Bryan Lee O'Malley comic series, directed by Shaun Of The Dead/Hot Fuzz director and long time Simon Pegg collaborator Edgar Wright, this being his first film outside said collaboration. The plot in brief: Scott Pilgrim (played by Michael Cera) is a lazy ass 22 year old Canadian fellow who doesn't have a job, plays bass in a band (the brilliantly named Sex Bob Omb - and if you got the joke, you need to see this movie) and is dating a 17 year old high school girl. Then he meets Ramona Flowers, a frosty cool tough chick from New York in the vain of Woody Allen's Annie Hall, and his life is turned upside down. First, he falls in love. Then comes the crushing news that to continue dating Ramona, he must defeat her seven evil ex's. Bummer. This is where the key element of the movie (and the comics of course) comes into play: Scott's version of Toronto, Canada is running on videogame rules, including experience points, extra lives and opponents turning into money when they are defeated.

Anyone aged 17-24 (give or take a few years depending on maturity level) will majorly enjoy this film and even those outside that age group will find something in it they like, even if they don't maybe get all the videogame and music related jokes. It works both as a kick ass action movie (with full blown martial arts style fight sequences) and a thoughtful and intelligent look at the machinations of the social lives and dating habits of people Scott's age. Edgar Wright, forever the master of being able to craft a story that combines traditionally seperate themes like these, has really hit the ball out of the park in his first foray outside the Spaced camp. The action scenes are some of the best I've seen in cinema for a long time and the soundtrack kicks ass (the original songs by Sex Bob Omb were actually written and performed by indie godfather Beck, with vocals provided by Mark Webber, the actor who plays Sex Bob Omb's singer/guitarist Stephen Stills)

The casting is also, for the most part, spot on. Micheal Cera plays somewhat against type in the role of Scott Pilgrim in that, he's not the perfect sensitive caring young man we usually see him portray. Scott Pilgrim is somewhat whiny and self centered and although we like him, throughout the film you often cringe at some of the bad choices he makes. But in turn, that's what makes this film really work: we see how he deals with those bad choices and ultimately (in an awesome turn of events involving an extra life) rising to the occasion. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is perfect as the icy cool Ramona Flowers, taking the classic world-wary pixie character template and making it pop on the screen. A special 'Where the hell has he been all this time?!' mention goes to Kieran Culkin as Scott's side splittingly dry humoured gay roommate Wallace Wells for providing some of the film's biggest laughs. I sense a career revival in the making here. Of course, the film wouldn't be complete without the infamous evil ex's, most of whom audiences are already familiar with: Brandon Routh as psychic vegan Todd Ingram and the new Captain America, Chris Evans, as action movie star Lucas Lee both ham it up in their villanous roles, entertaining immensely in their short times on screen.

Of course, no film is without it's faults: the plot arc of the comic series spawned six rather in depth volumes and compressing that all into just under two hours wasn't the easiest thing for Edgar Wright to try and pull off, as the main plotline must of course take precidence. This leaves us wanting more time to spend with some of the secondary characters as a result, but this perhaps can be excused as being unavoidable. Also, final big bad Gideon Graves (played to the douchebaggingly effective max by Jason Schwartzman) wasn't given enough screentime for my liking, he perhaps could have been foreshadowed a little more considering he is supposed to be behind the whole League of Evil Ex's idea. It's also worthy to note that this film was made before the final volume was actually released, so it has a somewhat different final third based on O'Malley's rough notes, meaning fans wanting a hardcore straight adaptation may leave disappointed.

In the end though, this is the best film of the year, on a par with the excellent Inception. The action works, you care about the characters and it crafts a compelling story that you as an audience want to see through to the end, and ultimately, that's what film-making is all about.

Which leads to my rant. I'll put it in a seperate post, but beware, if you liked the cinematic disaster that was The may not like what I have to say next.

Stay tuned,

Captain Mark

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Sonisphere 2010 or how I learned to remember sun tan lotion

I burn. My arms are a lovely shade of Walkers Ready Salted red. My friend Andy Smith is worse, so before I start, a big thanks to him for driving us there and for a chicken sandwich at the service station on the way home!

So, I'll do this somewhat similar to my Download review, day by day. Of course, I can only comment on what I saw, so if I missed your favourite should have bought tickets yourself you lazy fucker! Before I start though, just a few comments on the festival itself. First of all the camp layout, Download organisers pay attention: the campsite does NOT have to be a million miles away from the arena. Next door is much better. Also, band scheduling, do it like it was done over this weekend: when a band were on the first stage, the second stage was in between bands and vice versa. Leads to less clashes! Brilliant! Anyways, on with the review!


After finding a camping spot way faster than I've ever done before at any festival, kudos to the fantastic campsite layout, I drink beer until the bands start at 5. Delain kicked the weekend off but due to a very tired Andy Smith, our slow motion ramble meant we only caught the end of their set. They sounded alright, kinda HIM by way of Abba. And the frontwoman wore the single greatest corset I've ever seen. Really though, as evidenced by the thongs of people wearing red face paint, the crowd were there for Turisas. They, nor I, were disappointed. Considering the music they play is called battle metal, they are the best band to get everyone in the mood for the weekend ahead. Eschewing usual crowd pleaser Rasputin for some newer material was a somewhat brave move on their part, but it went a long way to show that there is more to them than a cover of an old Russian folk song. As Turisas winded down, I decided I wasn't drunk enough and decided to wander about for a bit to get more beer and checking out the festival shops and as a result, missed Europe. Oh well, it was around 6000 people waiting for them to play the Final Countdown anyways. I did, however, ramble on back in time to catch Gary Numan. And he was fantastic. Of course, he played both Cars and Are Friends Electric?, but looking around I think he surprised a lot of people who assumed that his entire body of work sounded like the two aforementioned classics. Go check him out when he tours with Emilie Autumn this year. One expensive burger later, I was all set for Friday night headliner Alice Cooper, who bought his A game. Playing all the hits and parading around like some kind of demented circus ringleader, he proved why his live show is so legendary. Getting killed on stage around five times is something other acts just don't do! Also, playing a song twice within one set (School's Out being the song in question, both opening and closing the show) is something only he could get away with. When you write songs like that and give a performance like that, you can do whatever the hell you want!


I don't know if any of you have ever played the Tim Schaffer video game Brutal Legend, but in the opening sequence the main character Eddie Riggs is roadie-ing for a seriously godawful band who proclaim themselves 'heavy metal' but sound like the bastard love child of Busted and Ke$ha. I'm almost sure the game developer just recorded some of Saturday's main stage opening band Family Force 5, then decided that was too harsh and so recorded a slightly better approximation for their game. Family Force 5 are seriously THAT bad. Thankfully, they were a slight speed bump in an otherwise awesome day. Surely praising The Powers That Be that whoever followed the awfulness described above would look phenominal by default, Lacuna Coil thankfully don't fall back on this fact and take it easy, delivering a solid set that probably earned them a few new fans. Next up was Soulfly on the second stage, Max Cavalera playing up to his status of modern metal hero by tearing the crowd a new arsehole. A satisfying mix of their own material and Sepultura tunes, they whipped the crowd into a frenzy. Hell, these days Roots Bloody Roots is a guaranteed circle pit if you blast it in your local Tescos, let alone at a festival full of drunk metalheads raring to go. After that, back to the main stage for Anthrax. Coming off the back of the Big Four shows they've been doing at Sonisphere Poland and now complete with their original singer once more, Anthrax couldn't go wrong. Opening with Caught In A Mosh and closing with I Am The Law, this is the Anthrax from the 1980's all over again, renewed. Their next album has the potential to be on par with their 80's material, if this set is anything to go by. At this point, I was out of beer, so we headed back to the tents, returning in time to watch Skunk Anansie thoroughly fucking enjoying themselves. Frontwoman Skin has always been half sexy, half terrfying and today is no different (responding to a sexual request from the crowd by saying "I can't fuck you now, I'm busy at the moment! Maybe later!") A career revival at just the right time for this band, hopefully they can garner the same recognition from today's audiences as they did from audiences in the 90's. On hearing new material and seeing Saturday's performance, methinks yes. Placebo then hit the main stage five minutes later and although it was a solid set, the band seemed in somewhat of a hurry. And no Pure Morning either. Oh well, they played Nancy Boy, which is rare to hear nowadays anyways. After this, I wandered over to the Jagermeister stage, taking the opportunity to check out bands I haven't heard before, and was greeted by Audrey Horne from Norway. Complete with a massive crowd. Intrigued now at this apparently incredibly popular band I'd never heard of, they came out and played some solid fucking metal, think a cross between Turbonegro and Led Zepplin. I shall be purchasing some of their output very soon.

Yes, a new paragraph. Because this next set deserves one all by itself. When it came to picking a band to play at the same time as Motley Crue, the festival organisers thought long and hard, I'm sure. Then they made the best decision possble and chose Gallows. If there is one thing that motivates Frank Carter and co. more than anything, it's adversity, and holy shit, they rose to the occasion. Playing the third stage tent, many watching Crue missed out on the single greatest live performance I have ever seen. "Thank fuck we're not Motley Crue!" Carter proclaims before opening with The Riverbank. The rest of the set was thrashed out like constant hooks to the face: London Is The Reason, Leeches, Abandon Ship (dedicated to the fans with them from the beginning,) In The Belly Of A Shark, just inciting the crowd to energy levels approaching that of a riot. There was a reason both Jacoby Shaddix of Papa Roach and Benji Madden of Good Charlotte had told their crowds earlier to go see Gallows, both men themselves present for the set. Minute long punk anthem Gold Dust incited a circle pit that actually went OUTSIDE the tent through one door and back in through the other. When a man in a wheelchair was crowd surfered over the front row, I actually heard one of the stage attendants say "Have you ever seen anything like that?" to another, to which the reply was "Fuck no." Finishing with a mighty Orchestra Of Wolves (complete with a mighty wolf howl from the crowd and the aforementioned famous people plus Lee Spielman from Trash Talk and Eva Spence from Rolo Tomassi doing backing vocals and the band's guitar tech grabbing an axe and shredding his fingers off) Gallows topped off what will go down in history as one of the most amazing festival performances ever. My phone may have been pickpocketed during the set (I caught the bastard going for my wallet, thank god!) but I honestly didn't care. This performance would be one I'd remember for the rest of my life.

Completely fucking knackered and sweating profusely, the race is on to catch Rammstein. Being all German and very efficient, they started bang on time, thankfully I was there in time to catch Feuer Frei and from then on they proved to be bloody amazing. The pyro, as always, was spectacular and when keyboard player Flake went for a row in a dingy over the crowd, one of the crowd members decided to join him! Only thing against them was due to their extreme efficient German-ness, they ended an hour early! I guess now you can see how much random banter and dicking around on stage can pad a set out. Still, props to Rammstein for being thoroughly fucking entertaining, considering the horrible events that led to the deaths of over 20 people at a free gig they were playing the week before was probably playing on their minds a little, they performed well, worthy of the headlining slot.


With most festival goer feeling consderably fucking battered at this point, getting a Sunday slot is always a tricky thing, you have to be on your game otherwise you WILL be bottled. Metalheads deprived of sleep don't take any shit. Thankfully, CKY opened the second stage Sunday and showed everyone exactly how to play to a festival crowd in that state. Equal parts kick ass and funny, they played all the hits (Escape From Hellview, 96 Quite Bitter Being, e.t.c.) as well as newer material from latest album Carver City and were thoroughly fucking awesome. Following a wander and a munch break (during which we sat on a hill and watched The Fab Beatles, a Beatles tribute band who bemusingly finished their set with a cover of Maiden's Run To The Hills) the next band up with the mighty Skindred, who bounded onto the main stage in shiny silver suits and exploded. Frontman Benji Webbe being equal parts Ozzy Osbourne and Bob Marley throughout, it was easy to see why Skindred have such a massive appeal. You need to see this band live, as soon as possible. Next, we bandied on back to the second stage to watch the spectacularly biazarre Dir En Grey. Being the only other foreign launguage band on the bill aside from Rammstein, Dir En Grey were an incredibly strange prospect for the day and they met my expectations of Japanese weirdness. Around halfway, frontman Kyo climbed up on to his vanity platform and began to howl, a friend of mine proclaiming him to be excorcising a demon live on stage. However freaky this was, I saw more than one head nodding along, so they've definitely won some new fans. One more lunch break later (hey, I was hungry alright!) and the next band on the agenda were Alice In Chains. Yes, I missed both Slayer (I did not have the energy left to handle a Slayer pit to be honest!) and Bring Me The Horizon (because they're shit.) Again, if you want to cry about it, you should have bought a ticket! Anyways, AIC were on top form, inspiring mass singalongs to tunes like Man In The Box and Rooster. Nostalga moment of the weekend methinks, and they certainly landed on their feet with new singer William Duvall, who came across as an amazing singer and a true musician. Much kudos to him. Next up, we dashed over to the second stage to see legendary 80's rock band The Cult. With Billy Duffy being one of the reason I picked up a guitar myself in the first place, to say I was excited is an understatement, but the band fucking killed it. With songs like Love Removal Machine, Rain and of course, She Sells Sanctuary, they were tailor made for a Sunday afternoon at a festival. Go dig up their back catalogue now and while you're at it, grab their new album coming out in a month or so, I'm predicting a big resurgence from this band very soon. And now, we rush BACK to the main stage to catch Pendulum playing what is possibly the most daunting set of the weekend: the slot on the main stage before Iron Maiden. Not easy. Rising to a challenge though, the band performed admirably, with the rave kids out in full force encouraging smatterings of dancing throughout the crowd (including myself) Rob Swire and his crew successfully managed to get even hardcore Maiden fans bobbing their heads along at the very least. A good job. As they wrapped up their set, we head back over to the second stage to watch the legendary Iggy & The Stooges. Playing the classics (Raw Power, Search and Destroy, I Got A Right, e.t.c.) Iggy showed why he makes even the frontmen of today look like fucking slouches. Corey Taylor had apprently proclaimed him to have 'more energy than all of (the crowd) combined' and if this set was anything to go by, he was right. Inviting a bunch of the crowd to come dance on stage for a song (including the single hottest goth girl I've ever seen in my life) was a smooth move too. Long live Iggy Pop. With Iggy finished, there was only one band left. The band the majority of the festival goers were here for, myself included. Iron. Fucking. Maiden. Having toured their 80's material in support of their 80's years album last year, I was not surprised at the night's set, comprised mostly of songs from Dance Of Death, A Matter of Life and Death and A Brave New World. And despite not playing either Run To The Hills or The Trooper, Maiden proved why they are still so relevant. The daunting message within new single El Dorado a scathing attack on the banks that have us stuck in this economic mess, Dickinson's lyrics are still equal part as poignient and as fantastical as they were 30 years ago. Closing with the until now rarely played Running Free, Maiden sent myself and a hell of a lot of festival goers, Maiden fans or not, home with massive grins on their faces. Up the Irons indeed.

Saturday, 17 July 2010

On one of the greatest films ever made

Nolan has made his masterpiece. This summer's biggest film that isn't made by Pixar, Inception follows the Nolan formula of complex, intricate plotting and imaginative methods of storytelling that made films like Insomnia and Memento (another of my favourite films of all time) such comeplling, amazing pieces of art. And make no mistake, this movie is a piece of art. Beautifully crafted, expertly acted, there are no faults here whatsoever. For those who don't know (incoming plot details, turn away if you don't want to know) Leo DiCaprio plays a man who has mastered the art of cracking into a person's mind via their dreams and stealing all their secrets. Unfortunately, his own subconscious has started to interfere with his missions (in the form of his dead wife, the gorgeous Marion Coullitard) and really starts to throw a wrench in the works while on his most dangerous mission yet: planting (rather than stealing) an idea in the head of a young soon-to-be CEO of an energy company, played by Cillian Murphy.

Of course, the beauty of using dreamscapes in cinema is the ability to depict absolutely anything you like and have it make sense. This leads to some incredibly specatacular set pieces, such as a fist fight in zero gravity and a snowmobile chase. All the fireworks and stunts never detract from the acting and characterization however and in this respect, Inception is truly a film with everything: alongside your action you have another sterling performance by DiCaprio, stellar supporting turns by both Joseph Gordon Lovett and Tom Hardy and a surprisingly brilliant leading turn by Ellen Page in her best performance since Juno.

Make no mistake, this is the best film Nolan has ever made and it goes to show that along with this, another two of his films (The Dark Knight and Memento) are in my ten favourite films of all time. Inception is undeniably Oscar-bound and if Nolan can top this with future films, then those films will be a sight to see

Until my next trip to the cinema,

Captain Mark ;)

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

On fixed guitars, Sonisphere festivals and some upcoming karaoke...

Just thought I'd let you all in on a bit of news: my gorgeous, lovely Fender Telecaster is now fixed. After like, a year or so. I just always had something else a bit more pressing I had to spend money on! Anyways, now I have my sweet sweet tone back, I'm indulging in something I've seen done elsewhere: bandeoke. As in, karaoke, but with a live band. I test run it at an upcoming private function (my own incredinly delayed housewarming party) and hopefully will be taking it to pubs and clubs around Essex and London soon enough.

Anyways, Sonisphere is just around the corner and my tickets have arrived, great success. I will probably have some kind of report on the action and unlike Download, will end up seeing absolutely everything I want to see with no compromises because I'm only going with one other person who wants to see all the same stuff as well.

Signing off,

Cap'n Mark

Thursday, 1 July 2010

Doctor WHAT?!

AH! I hear you gasp, a new post, so soon? But you're crushing all my expections of your fine self as a lazy yet loveable writer! But today, something as been splashed around the Internet which has driven me to my keyboard of contempt. And that is my beloved Doctor.

Reported on multiple websites, including MTV News, is that a Hollywood Doctor Who feature film is in the works. Even bigger news, Johnny Depp has apparently signed a deal to play the Doctor. Gad-zooks! Soooooo, here's where I stand. If you even care.

Russell T. Davies is apparently back at the helm for the film version. I'm acclimatised to Moffat now! He has fundementally changed the way the show works for the better and to go back to the old style will be somewhat jarring.

And of course we have the obvious problem: Matt Smith is the Doctor! And the best damned Doctor we've had since Tom Baker! Unless they actually write next season so that Smith regenerates into Depp at the end to lead into the film, it won't work! And if they DO end up doing that, we lose Smith before he may have wanted to bow out! I should imagine paying Depp for a two minute appearence at the end of next season's finale would destroy their budget too.

Anyways, this might be a hoax, or it could fall short, I'm apprehensive. Extremely apprehensive. Some fans might love the idea, most fans probably hate the idea of the Americans doing what they do best and Americanising everything, which is a whole other argument to get into. I'm pretty sure homegrown U.S. creative properties (or creative properties from any other country for that matter) aren't adapted and made more English when they reach our shores. Why on Earth do the Americans do the same? Is it any wonder the American population has the lowest international awareness on the planet? Anyways, I'm done ranting. RTD is a fine writer and I love the man for bringing Who back and doing it successfully. Johnny Depp is a fine actor and has starred in most of my all time favourite films. But you could kill off American interest that Moffat and co are currently working so hard to build (this series has just launched on BBC America within the past few weeks) Think about it!

Signing off,

Capn' Mark

Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Getting back on the ball...

Yeah yeah, this thing went dead for a bit. My parents went away and my brother invited a friend to live at our house for two weeks, which subsequently had the knock on effect of turning the place into a low rent recording studio. By the time he left, I couldn't muster the enthusiam to keep up with the Doctor Who reviews, the gig reviews...

But now I am back. And I've done things. Life experience crazy things. I'll try and boil the stuff I've missed down into one post I guess. Buckle up ;)


First up, Doctor Who. All done now! I have to say, I was thoroughly impressed with the overall plot arc and the latest Who first of not wrapping up absolutely everything neatly in a bow by the final scene of the series finale. Lingering questions are good, they will have more people returning methink. Kudos to the writing team there, breaking tradition can be difficult. On a extra note, the games which are now being drip fed to us scott free via the BBC website are also pretty bloody amazing. At the time of writing, the first two are now available, although I've only had the time to play the first.

Okay, next, Rage at Finsbury Park. One for the history books. I think a sense of occasion always makes what could have been a regular gig that much more lively. The crowd certainly seemed to think so, I can't recall a crowd crush that intense. Well, not at the time...ANYWAYS, having more bands than just Rage on the bill was a keen idea, as was opening the day with Gallows. Frank Carter was never one to shy away from speaking his mind (some gems include 'Justin Bieber's up the road, if you boo loud enough he'll hear you' and 'I want you to make a wall of death...if you don't know what this is, you shouldn't fuckin' be here!) Amptly put, Frank! In any case, you can never go wrong opening a gig in London with God Save The Queen. The Sex Pistols classic of course, not our national anthem. Although sometimes I wonder...

I will admit to not watching Roots Manuva. Not my cup of tea. And I was hungry, only a seriously overpriced burger would stop the ol' stomach rumbling. So my brother and I wade back to the stage in time for Gogol Bordello. Now if you're headed to Reading/Leeds this...DO NOT MISS THEM. Gypsy punk from the city of New York, they would brighten your dullest, most depressing day. Enough of a singalong factor to get everyone in the crowd all cosy with one another in time for...

Rage. Against. The. Fucking. Machine.

Oh yeah. This easily qualifies as the best gig I've ever been to. Hilarious cartoon Simon Cowell introduction, bringing out the Morters (the couple who started the Facebook campaign that made the gig happen in the first place,) playing a Clash cover (White Riot, if you were wondering,) and playing a video detailing the events at Christmas with Joe McElderry's The Climb playing over the top of it, all of this leading up to an explosive Killing In The Name...simply legendary. Kudos to the bus surfing guys on the way home who saw an easy way to cut through the crowds and took it. Yes, bus surfing. Exactly what it sounds like.

And now we get to a week later, Download Festival! A long weekend of intense drinking, plenty of well proportioned breasts and the best bands in the world. So, a day at a time...

Friday. Waking up semi bladdered already is a good way to start, but Friday for me was actually a bit slow. Not many bands I wanted to see, it felt to me like a warm up for the next two days. It was so unremarkable (except for maybe AC/DC) that I barely remember who I saw. Oh, and AC/DC were good. Never been a crazy fan, and the lack of choice (not to mention lack of their logo on the Festival t-shirt and the butchering of the main stage area all so they could bring their own stage with them) seemed a little off to me, almost like they held the whole thing in contempt really.

Saturday. This is more like it! Rise To Remain open the second stage and thoroughly impress everyone, it looks as if another Dickinson will be making his mark on metal (lead singer Austin Dickinson is the son of You Know Who. And if you don't, go brush up on your classic metal!) Several slots later and the band I pushed to the front of the second stage for are on: Cancer Bats. And they blow the feckin' roof off the place. Well, they would of, if it happened indoors. There's even pictures of me with frontman Liam Cormier as he reaches into the front row and blasts our collective faces off scattered around the internet. We leave after this and I get involved with a Rock Band competition which won me free beer (I play on Expert!) and a preview of what a mass singalong to Killing In The Name will sound like later that night. I watch the end of Megadeth on the main stage (awesome, but the P.A let them down) and then head to the second stage and watch The Blackout. Who are fucking amazing. Two drummers. Inflatable middle fingers. Rage, AC/DC and Aerosmith covers. 300% more Welsh than anyone I've ever seen in my life. Check them out if you get the chance. HIM are on after, my favourite band from when I was a broody sixteen year old, so it's nice to catch them live once more. Almost like greeting an old best friend who you've stopped talking to, it makes you wonder why you broke contact in the first place. The old favourites are all in there (Join Me, Wicked Game, Buried Alive By Love et al) mixed in with some new ones I like and some I don't (Wings Of A Butterfly has an awesome riff, but really, it's the only song on the Dark Light album that should still be played live!) Overall, a fantastic reminder of how much better my taste in music was compared to the chavs back at school. So the headliner rolls around and it's Rage for the second time within six days. The set is pretty much the same as Finsbury Park, with some added Wake Up (which is my favourite Rage song, so big thumbs up from me there) Overall, best headliner and best set of the whole weekend.

Sunday bloody Sunday. It didn't go exactly how I hoped it would. We have a lie in today and get to the arena in time to watch Slash. If you haven't heard the new Slash album yet, you really need to, it rocks. Slash's touring singer Myles Kennedys (from the band Alter Bridge) is easily the greatest male singer on this planet right now. He can sing ANYTHING, from other people's songs on the Slash album to old Guns tunes like Sweet Child and Rocket Queen. Further kudos go the completely topless chick shaking what god gave her astride somebody's shoulders and projected on the big screen all the way through the end solo to set finale Paradise City. Seriously, tits, beer and Slash, my life was perfect for five mins or so!

So now comes the disappointment. I'm all ready for Billy Idol and subsequently Motorhead, Stone Temple Pilots and Aerosmith and then the rain begins. And it doesn't stop. Rebel Yell would have sounded awesome but dying of pneumonia doesn't. I'll admit, I was ill prepared, no poncho, no wellies, and because of that, it was back to the tent for me, my weekend cut abruptly short. Still, I had fun singing the Ace Of Spades at the live band karaoke that night, could have been worse!

Wow, all done, breathe out now! So after the Download insanity, I got festival fever and have roped a friend into getting Sonisphere tickets with me. So come the first week of August expect a full review! Probably!

Your ever lovin' captain,


Saturday, 8 May 2010

Avengers Assemble!

This is gonna be kinda a double whammy type affair, a quick review of Iron Man 2 and then we get to talking about where all the current crop of Marvel movies seem to be headed: The Avengers.

First, Iron Man 2.

With this sequel, Faverau clearly took the 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' mantra to heart and thanks to the winning formula, Iron Man 2 is a major victory for the comic book movie genre. Robert Downey Jnr's Tony Stark steals the shows as he did in the first movie, shooting off wryly-delivered one liners one after one another. He spends more time outside of the suit than in it, and with a superhero movie, one would think this would doom it to failure. But Tony Stark is one of Marvel's most complex characters, and Downey Jnr. is one of Hollywood's most complex character actors, allowing him to turn an otherwise difficult to approach leading role into a roaring success. Robert Downey Jnr IS Tony Stark up on that screen, and has given the world a definitive portrayal. Much like anybody else trying to play the Joker now after Heath Ledger's legendary performance, it just ain't gonna work.

Speaking of Batman movies, Iron Man 2 works in exactly the opposite manner. Both are furnished with at least an adequate amount of plot, but whereas Batman movies are all about the villian, both Iron Man movies thus far have kept the focus with its central character. I've always said Batman is always the least interesting thing about a Batman movie however, and here is where the comparison ends. The villians of Iron Man 2 are far from uninteresting. Mickey Rourke's Ivan Vanko AKA Whiplash is played with the right amount of taciturn silence and leering, a cruel cold silent juxtaposition to both Tony Stark and Vanko's own partner in crime, which leads us to the most interesting choice the writers have made with Iron Man 2.

Justin Hammer. Anybody who follows the Iron Man comics will know that Hammer is responsible for some of Stark's biggest failures and upsets in both his professional and social life. He drives him to alcoholism and constantly prods Stark towards the paranoia which would ultimately spawn Stark's championing of the Superhero Registration Act, which in turn leads to the Marvel Civil War and the final deaths of many Marvel characters including the original Captain America, Steve Rodgers. That's an awful lot of villiany to heap on one actor's shoulders. Enter Sam Rockwell. Playing Hammer as a sort of Stark wannabe, his more corporate foil is in line with the comics and Rockwell does this exceedingly well. His words near to the end of the movie (not giving anything away here, so don't worry) telling Pepper Potts (and the audience) that he will return and we will see him get revenge. Foreboding stuff.

Elsewhere, the 50's romantic comedy type relationship between Stark and his assistant Pepper Potts is played again to perfection, Gwyeneth Paltrow playing off of both Stark's narcissism and his internal emotional struggle throughout the film well. She is both surrogate mother and love interest to Stark and we see why a woman like her is the perfect match from him: she needs someone to take care of and he in turn needs somebody to take care of him, to ground him.

On to War Machine. Tentatively stepping into the role played by Terance Howard in the first movie, Don Cheadle plays Lt. Col. Cody Rhoades with the right amount of desperation: due to the events of the film, he truly has his back against the wall and has to choose between his friend and his country. It is a great personal journey the audience see him take; even when the film has managed to show you said journey and still have time for everything else, especially Stark's ego. Last but not least, alongside Cheadle in the ranks of the supporting cast, we get (the incredibly gorgeous!) Scarlett Johannson as Natasha Romanova AKA Black Widow, Nick Fury's (Samuel L. Jackson) right hand woman and the person keeping an eye on Stark. I don't really have to say much here except SCARLETT JOHANSSON IN A LEATHER BODYSUIT. You get the picture, if you don't, Google it. You won't regret it.

Overall, this is how it should be done. When I say that of course, I mean this is how Iron Man movies should be done, not all superhero and comic book movies. I think every franchise needs a different approach. The very underated Daredevil movie is another case of the franchise being done in the right way, suprisingly enough in the case of Ben Affleck as Matt Murdoch, with the right cast. Iron Man 2 pushes all the right buttons and delivers everything you could want from an Iron Man movie. And of course, it wins extra geek points for helping to set up...The Avengers!

So, here come the spoilers. If you haven't seen Iron Man, Iron Man 2 or The Hulk (the good one, with Ed Norton, not the sucky Ang Lee one) stop reading now. If you have, or can't be bothered and just want to know why the hell I'm getting so excited, feel free to keep reading. Even though if you're in the latter, you're missing out on how superhero movies should be done. Seriously. Go watch!

So, for the uninitated, the Avengers are Marvel's dream team, a crack team of superheroes who fight the bad guys team up style. Every hero in the Marvel Universe has probably been either on the squad or an auxillary member (see Spider-Man) at some point, but the core three are usually Captain America, Iron Man and Thor. Complete those three with Ant Man and you get the original Avengers, complete them with Wolverine, you get the New Avengers, e.t.c, e.t.c, you get the idea here. Of course, the core three represent the three standard superhero types, Iron Man as the technologically aided hero, Captain America as the costumed 'normal' hero (about as close to normal as Marvel gets anyways) and Thor as the magical hero. Alright, picture painted. Onwards with my pressing topic.

At the end of Iron Man in a post credits scene, Nick Fury, head of secretive special forces group S.H.I.E.L.D. (portrayed in his Ultimates incarnation by Samuel L. Jackson which, considering they based the character design on Jackson himself when they first created Fury in the Ultimates timeline, is the ONLY choice for the role) appears to Tony Stark wanting to talk about something calling The Avengers Initiative. Cue 90% of the audience not knowing what the hell he's yammering on about and the other 10% (of which I was a member) climaxing on the spot and launching into crazed chatter about the possibility of a full blown Avengers movie.

So a few months later, the Hulk happens. In the movie, Neil Blonsky (played by Tim Roth) is tasked to track the Hulk down and capture him and in order to be any match for him, is injected with an serum developed during World War Two that turns men into super soldiers. This is the same serum that turned lowly army puke Steve Rodgers into Captain America. Unfortunately, Rodgers is the only successful test subject in history and this fact, combined with the fact that Blonsky takes too much, turns him into the movie's villian, Abomination. Now at the end of that movie, Tony Stark makes an appearence to General Ross (the man who heads up the Army's Hulk Buster task force) to see if he's interested because S.H.I.E.L.D are putting together a special team.

On to Iron Man 2. When Fury visits Stark somewhere in the latter half of the film, we see that Stark is uninterested in the Avengers idea still (Best line of the movie in fact: "I'm not interested in joining your super secret boy band.") This puzzled me a little as it contradicts the ending of The Hulk, but then at the end of Iron Man 2, when Fury is debriefing Tony, I noticed one of the screens in the scene bringing you a live new update from Culver University where a monster has just ran riot and destroyed army vehicles. This is a scene from The Incredible Hulk, which places the ending of Iron Man 2 at around halfway through the events of the Hulk movie. Thank my eagle eye for that one.

Okay, so we get to post credits of Iron Man 2. Earlier in the movie, as Stark is creating Vibranium (which Captain America's shield is made from kiddies!) Agent Coulson of S.H.I.E.L.D (god, that's a bitch to type) mentions that he has 'pressing business' in New Mexico. Now, in the post credits scene, we see Coulson arrive at a massive crater in the New Mexican desert, and as the camera pans back we see something in the center. Mjolnir. The Hammer Of The Gods. Weapon of the mighty Thor.

Ex-fucking-splosive. Movie critic Bob Chipman compared this scene to dropping a lightsaber into a post credits scene in The Godfather Part II. The Marvel universe is finally colliding and to see it bought to life is something tangiably exciting and our generation are the ones to experience it. Think about it. This is how movies could be from now on, with crossing over and continuity just like comic books.

So what do we know about the upcoming Thor and Captain America movies? Well, Thor is being played by Chris Hemsworth and the film is being headed up by Kenneth Brannagh. An interesting choice of director, I think he has the ability to give Thor's solo tale that edge of darkness it needs. Story wise, Thor is a warrior god who has become arrogant and is cast down to Earth from Asgard by his father Odin (being played by Anthony fucking Hopkins. Win.) to teach him a lesson in humility. However, Thor's half brother Loki takes advantage of his main enemy's absence and begin to gather up an army to conquer both Earth and Asgard. Cue Lord Of The Rings style epic fantasy battles.

Captain America is being portrayed by Chris Evans and the movie is being directed by Joe Johnston, who did a terrific job with The Wolfman. As for Evans, there was a slight outcry that he already portrayed the Human Torch in the Fantastic Four movies, but if this means the Four will also see a reboot, I'm all for it. Those films sucked. The big piece of casting news with the Cap movie is that of Hugo Weaving, who was the best thing about the Matrix trilogy and played a brilliant Detective Abeline in The Wolfman. He's been cast as Cap's arch nemesis, the Nazi scientist known as The Red Skull. Picture perfect choice. The Cap movie is entitled 'Captain America: The First Avenger" and will be set during World War II. We will see the character's origin story and his battle with The Red Skull and the Nazis alongside sidekick Bucky Barnes, a younger Nick Fury and his Howlin' Commandos and a possible cameo from Wolverine. He and Bucky will then be frozen in the North Atlantic where they will be discovered 60 odd years later, Cap by the good ol' U.S.A and Bucky by more nefarious forces (in the comics, it was the Russians who brainwashed him to become the Winter Soldier, one of Cap's recurring foes. The 'Commie' idea is outdated now though, so this could change, as it did in Iron Man.)

Phew, explanations over. So kiddies, now, it's speculation time! In the build up to the Avengers, there's a whole bunch of possibilities to consider. Hugh Jackman is slated to be making an appearence in both the upcoming Captain America movie and the Avengers movie, reprising his role as Wolverine. Sweet. Of course, there's the incoming Spider-Man reboot to consider. Yep, they're starting Spider-Man all over again, with a new director, new Peter Parker and placing Spidey firmly back in high school, much like his Ultimate incarnation. Past Spider-Man films haven't tied into the recent ones, but with this reboot, could we see Spidey make a cameo in the Avengers movie? A definate possibility. Bucky Barnes making an appearence as his brainwashed evil alter ego The Winter Soldier in the Avengers as a villian is also a possibility. Then there's also the chance of Hawkeye, a constant Avengers member in the comics, making his first appearence in the Avengers movie. For those not in the know, Hawkeye is a guy who is basically a REALLLLLLLLY good shot with any projectile weapon you give him. He usually uses a bow and arrow. And if Hawkeye is in, chances are so is his constant companion and love interest Black Canary. She's basically a hot chick in a catsuit who does kung fu and zips about on wires. We do already have Black Widow in that role, but you can never have enough hot chicks in leather bodysuits. There is also still a bit of a question mark as to whether the Hulk will actually be a member or not. His inability to do anything besides go mental and destroy things would really work against the idea of teamwork, but hey, it could happen.

Alright, that was a long ass post, I hope you enjoyed, until next time,

Captain Mark ;)

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Don't be silly, you can't ever run out of time!

So part two held up the high expectations of part one. We're talking Doctor Who here by the way. If we're ever NOT talking Doctor Who, I'll let you know :P

Anyways, flipping the rules on their head for an episode at least is something Moffat does well and in that we get the most tension filled scene we've seen thus far, Amy having to fool the Angels into believing she indeed has her sight, walking blindly through masses of them. Nail biting stuff. The only thing I wasn't too sure about was Amy throwing herself at the Doctor in her room at the end of the episode. Seemed a little out of character for her, I get the sexy factor (as anyone who's read this before will know, I really get the sexy factor with Amy) but just throwing herself at the Doctor like that. I hope this is explained at some point, by some strange scientific Doctor ramble, or more preferably by Amy herself as an extreme case of cold feet.

Also, nice to see that the Angels aren't indeed completely infailable. And identifying the cracks in the universe as something even they are scared of was a neat way of putting an intimidating emphasis on what seems to be this season's overreaching plot arc.

Speaking of overreaching plot arcs, it seems River will 'kill' the Doctor in the future? With the way she gushes on and on about him, I can't see how anybody else could be 'the greatest man I've ever known.' Maybe Captain Jack. Considering he can die without consequence. But does this mean the mighty Matt Smith has only signed on for a single season?! We'll have to wait and see I guess.

Next time I review Iron Man 2 (if I go see it Wednesday) and talk about the excitingness of the upcoming Thor, Captain America and eventually, Avengers movies!


Captain Mark

Monday, 26 April 2010

Whatever you do, DON'T BLINK

So, the return of the Weeping Angels...if you read my last post, you'd know that I've been foaming at the mouth of their return and overall, it certainly didn't disappoint!

Beginning the episode by reuniting the Doctor with the excellent River Song, we are then quickly thrown headfirst into a mission where the Doctor once again crosses paths with the galaxy's deadliest lifeform, the Weeping Angels themselves. They can't move if someone is looking at them, turn your back and they're on you in a flash: Moffat has managed to create a monster that could very well stand the test of time as the Daleks have. The 'don't blink' mechanic at play throughout the episode keeps the tension running, spiking at opportune moments to scare you behind your sofa.

The interaction between River Song is also another high point in the episode, she seems to be the only character who can put the Doctor off balance, which is fun to watch. Amy was Amy some more this week, which puts her at her usual best. I will never love another ever again.

On a last point, it's nice to see that this episode is a two parter. The previous episodes have suffered from pacing issues, especially Victory of the Daleks, and it's nice to see a story spread out across two episodes like the Doctor Who of old. More of that please.

See, now here's the problem when it's a good episode: I can't really write much. Other than to say everything worked and it was good, and tune in next week. Like you weren't going to :P


Captain Mark

Monday, 19 April 2010

The United Colours of Dalek

I won't be presumptious and expect anybody to be waiting for this, but I won't be rude either, so apologies if you have. I'm just a lazy writer in all honesty. Anyways, Episode Three!

The first episode of the new series in the hands of another writer (in this case, former League of Gentlemen member Mark Gatiss, who's not my favourite Who writer, but oh well!) and as it result, it suffered a little, just as the early non-RTD Tennant episodes did. It's the head writer who's responsible for crafting the Doctor and for other writers to come in and adapt to this new version after only two episodes (and at the time of writing, having never seen the new Doctor on screen at all) is difficult. Props for trying, Gatiss did well, but just fell a little short. Not enough super intelligent Doctor moments, and the pacing felt a little off, as if the episode was over too quickly.

Now, on to the Daleks. The bloody Daleks. Or these new super Daleks. The only difference is they're now multi-ethnic and bigger. If you think about a Dalek's skill set (inability to whisper, big laser and more recently, flight) being smaller probably made them more effective. When these new ones were unveiled, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of indifference. I really hope they're not the ones behind the cracks that keep appearing. The other WTF moment worthy of note: Spitfires in space. Yes, it's a cool idea, but I feel it was a little rushed and reeked of something they couldn't find justification for, but wanted to do anyways because it looked cool.

On to the good bits. When he got screen time, Matt Smith was consistent once again this week. I await the final few episodes to see him really explore the depths of his characterisation of Eleven. The best moment of the episode goes to Amy though (who is fast securing her place as My Favourite Redhead Ever) at the end with the line: "Ever fancied someone you shouldn't?" Yes, Amy, you. Because you are a fictional character and it cannot be :(

The real star of the episode however, was good ol' Churchill. Long time British stalwart thespian Ian McNiece absolutely nails it, stealing the episode (although only due to chronic Doctor screentime shortage) and the interplay between him and Amy throughout was brilliantly done. I for one would love to see him again in a future episode.

Speaking of recurring characters, there's only one thing left to address: THE WEEPING ANGELS ARE BACK NEXT EPISODE!!!! If you missed the Moffat penned, BAFTA award winning Season Three episode Blink, find some way to watch it RIGHT NOW. I mean it. Stop reading this and go watch. Not just the best New Who episode ever, it was the best episode of any television show I'd seen for a long time. To say I've been giddy with anticipation ever since Moffat announced that they would return this season is an understatement, although I didn't expect them so soon. Another interesting point is that the episode also promises further development of the River Song (played by the excellent Alex Kingston) storyline that began in the Season Four two parter Silence In The Library/Forest Of The Dead. And by the looks of things, this week's is the first half of a two parter. Thank IMDB for that.

Anyways, remember to catch Blink and if you're new to Who and want to follow through the River Song plotline, the aforemention Season Four two parter. It's intriguing that, at that point, Moffat would have known he was taking over and thus began to sow the seeds for what could be this season's main plot arc, if IMDB is correct (I won't give too much away, but go on IMDB and check the episode history for the character River Song. This isn't her last appearence this season.)

Until next time, sports fans!

Captain Mark ;)

Monday, 12 April 2010

Download preview

So, about 45 minutes ago, the festival organisers announced the last of what could be considered the major bands for Download and it looks bloody exciting this year. I'll take the time here to break it down into groups and tell you who I think the bands to watch out for are. So without further ado...

Main Stage

Headliners: AC/DC (Friday) Rage Against The Machine (Saturday) Aerosmith (Sunday)
My pick: Rage Against The Machine
This was a tough one to judge actually. This is the strongest string of headliners Download have had pretty much ever, but playing their first ever set at Download (LONG OVERDUE!!!) and riding off the back of their celebratory free gig at Finsbury Park the previous week (which moi will be attending, expect a full review) Rage should be on unstoppable form.

My pick of the rest
Friday: Them Crooked Vultures. Dave Grohl. Josh Homme. John Paul fucking Jones. Considering by all appearences it's them and Wolfmother as the only other main stage bands on Friday who don't have writing credits for Back In Black, the choice is pretty obvious. Go buy the album before you go and you'll see why.

Saturday: Megadeth. They're one of the Big Four ferchristsakes! And if you haven't heard new album Endgame yet, you won't know that they haven't slowed down since the 80's...*cough*METALLICA*cough* I defy you not to sing along to the last minute and a half of Peace Sells!

Sunday: Slash. This was tight between him and Billy Idol, but it'll be interesting to see how well the admittedly awesome solo album holds up live. Just as long as he doesn't make Fergie sing Sweet Child O'Mine!

Second Stage

Headliners: Bullet For My Valentine (Friday) 30 Seconds To Mars (Saturday) Stone Sour (Sunday)
My pick: Stone Sour. Maybe it's my eversion to whiny vocals, but Stone Sour steal this one. Corey Taylor is the finest damn vocalist of our generation and perhaps more importantly when it comes to a festival, he knows how to put on a show. If you're scared Aerosmith might stumble and fall over their zimmer frames, head over to the Second Stage and you shan't be disappointed.

My pick of the rest:
Friday: 36 Crazyfists. These guys do what bands like Killswitch Engage and God Forbid do, but a zillion times better. And Killswitch are awesome, so imagine what the Fists are like in full flight? Having seen them live, this writer can testify that the group understand atmosphere. Putting them on the Second Stage, playing to a closer, smaller crowd was the best move the head honchos at Download could have made. This band will seriously kickstart your weekend.

Saturday: Cancer Bats. Although as an almost lifelong fan, I was going to give this to the mighty HIM (Still seriously, check them out, I for one find Deftones boring to the point of sleep!) Cancer Bats have now swiped this one away. Remember the last time an upcoming angry-ish hardcor-y punk-y metal-y band played a midday slot on the Second Stage? That was Gallows. And they exploded. Make sure to catch the Bats, if only to say that you were there when they finally made their lasting mark.

Sunday: Dillinger Escape Plan. I was going to give this to Steel Panther, but they clash with the ever reliable and bollockbreakingly awesome Motorhead, so that would be counter productive. So DEP have walked away with this one. If you're a NIN fan, you'll love it. Even if you're not, go see, they're refreshingly different

That's where I'll stop if I'm honest, I can't claim to know many of the bands on the Third Stage, as usual, and with all the awesomeness on the first two stages, I think you'd be hard pressed to find time. As I Lay Dying are a pretty good band but the rest of the Third Stage bands look mostly overly shouty.

In any case, that's just my humble opinion, feel free to disagree. Although if you do, you're pretty much wrong. And this is MY piece of interwebs. So ner.

Until next time Crypt Kiddies!

Captain Mark ;)

Saturday, 10 April 2010

Trying to stay out of trouble...badly

My neck hurts. I blame the Brush. And friends who guilt trip me into selling part of my games collection so I can afford to go out last night. Well, it was alright anyways, so I can't really complain. Except I just did. Oh yeah, that's me, rule breaker extraordinaire.

Annnnnnnnyyyyways, Doctor Who. And thankfully this episode did not suffer from second episode syndrome i.e. being too early in the series for anything overly exciting to happen, but having to follow an exciting first episode. Which is allowed to be exciting on the merit of being the first episode. So yeah, I think I'm falling in love with Amy Pond. Amy Pond the character of course, not Karen Gillan, the actress who portrays her. That'd just be weird. But kudos to her for presenting a genuinely equal companion almost right away. And kudos to Steven Moffat for letting Amy hold her own within the first two episodes.

So Matt Smith's Eleventh Doctor is like an onion. A really interesting onion made of gold. We're going to get to see layers of this new Doctor as the episodes go by, starting with his brand new short fuse it seems. Still, it makes for a more unpredictable Doctor, the Doctors of the past would just shake their heads and mutter sarcastically. Not Eleven. He flies right off the handle ("Nobody human speak to me right now!") when presented with an impossible choice. Which leads to the episode itself, a showcase as to why Steven Moffat is the new head writer. The Doctor has always been a certain shade of grey, a man seeking to atone, but in the past the circumstances he would find himself in rarely reflected that. Now, only two episodes in and he's willing to turn the last of an alien race into a vegtable to save mankind. Crikey. Soooo, roll on Episode Three. Churchill and Daleks!!!!!

Keep on rockin' in the free world!

Captain Mark ;)

Saturday, 3 April 2010

The Eleventh Doctor

So after holding my metaphorical breath for about three months, the first episode starring Matt Smith as The Eleventh Doctor (yes, that get capital letters) finished airing about five minutes before I started writing this. So, can I breath out in relief? In short: Yes. In long: YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Matt Smith is a bit of a revelation really. Although it's too early to see exactly what minute character aspects he's going to bring to the Doctor (think Eccelston's rather brisque abruptness with people, or Tennant's happy go lucky manner) it seems he's got the continuing aspect of what makes the Doctor down rather well. The most apparent and refreshing change however, is in the writing. As good as Russell T. Davies was, his need for the occasional bit of cheese sometimes lead to stuffing up the proceedings. That seems to be gone with new head writer Steven Moffat (who, FYI, wrote some of my favourite episode of Doctor Who in the past, including the legendary Blink) who doesn't even seem to mind throwing in the occasional smutty joke ("Oh and delete your browser history!") With him as the writing overlord of Doctor Who from now on, I think we can expect to see some more intelligent writing and some more intricate story arcs.

But what of the new companion? Well, she's gorgeous, but that's a given, aside from Catherine Tate (whose drawing attraction was her scene stealing performances rather than her looks) all companions are, male or female (Billy Piper and John Barrowman anyone?) As far as companions go however, I'm thinking she'll be one to remember. Assertative without coming across as arrogant or overly loud and annoying, she strikes the perfect balance of girly gorgeousness and powerful femininity ("Are you going to turn around then?" "")

Overall then, exciting first episode. Villian wasn't particularly memorable, but then again, this episode was never about the monster of the week. It was about Matt Smith getting his claws into the Doctor and giving us a Doctor that would make the Tennant fans happy and still give us something different. There's going to be a fair share of whiners ("Wah wah, we want our David back!) but honestly, you can never please everyone. Although this time, I think this new team of Matt Smith and Steven Moffat should please the majority

Until next time, I bid you adieu!

Captain Mark

Wednesday, 31 March 2010


I thought I'd start this thing to have a means with which to excercise my writing muscles. I'll probably be doing the odd film review, game review and other inspired nattering about the weirdness that often pervades my life. Such as my possible upcoming permanent writing job, writing for Front magazine of all things. The first month is expenses paid only, but I get to review gigs and interview models. Oh woe is me. As I write this, that ridiculous Burger King advert for their new chicken burger is on the telly...iti doesn't make any sense! Surely, the cow would be happy that s/he (for I am not sexiest towards any females, animal, mineral or plant :P) is not going to get slaughtered, chopped up, dipped in grease and grilled stupid to feed some fat American. See, I'd have had some kind of cow-lead victory parade for the advert instead...just makes more sense. They've also missed a trick there, they could have then bought out a beef burger at the same time and did a Bugs Bunny inspired 'Rabbit Season/Duck Season' series of adverts, complete with a dumb hunter fooled by the signs. Wow, that was an awesome tangent...anyways, until later

Hari Krishna!

Captain Mark